War

Psalm 42

My soul is cast down within me;

therefore I remember you

from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,

from Mount Mizar.

7Deep calls to deep

at the roar of your waterfalls;

all your breakers and your waves

have gone over me.

8By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,

and at night his song is with me,

a prayer to the God of my life.

9I say to God, my rock:

"Why have you forgotten me?

Why do I go mourning

because of the oppression of the enemy?"

10As with a deadly wound in my bones,

my adversaries taunt me,

while they say to me all the day long,

"Where is your God?"

Psalm 69

4 More in number than the hairs of my head

are those who hate me without cause;

mighty are those who would destroy me,

those who attack me with lies.

What I did not steal

must I now restore?

5O God, you know my folly;

the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you.

In the back of my mind there is a lingering knowledge that the further I push this the more these words will become my own. There is good reason behind why it is so hard to find someone who fights heart, soul, mind, and body for Christ. Because someone who does that will become a target. The world is filled with darkness and darkness wants to keep it that way. If I stand up and fight the good fight of faith, I’m going to stick out like a light in a dark room. Walking with God is no small thing. I don’t really think it’s safe. I believe it is good. I believe it is awesome! But I know it isn’t safe. Jesus tells us that “in this world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

It’s not safe in that hard times will come. We will suffer. We will lose things. We will lose heart. Our loved ones will stray and the only thing we may be able to do for them is pray. We will love others hard and they will hurt us. Life happens whether you have the power of Christ in your life or not, and when it does, safe is not the word that will always describe it. These are not easy things to accept but my comfort is this: “For He wounds, but He binds up; He shatters, but His hands heal.” (Job 5:18) That is enough for me now. God can do whatever He wants to me. He can put me through whatever He deems necessary. He can shatter me. Because I know He will bring healing. When my heart is broken, my Father will lift it and bind it up for me.

The writer in the above verses strikes me so hard when he writes, “What I did not steal must I now restore?” I think he’s talking about his hope. I think what was being stolen from him was the motivation and the heart to press on. I know what it means to lose heart. I am not always a man of my word. I falter. My strength is worthless by itself. Someone once told me that God was just my krutch. God isn’t my krutch. He’s my legs. I cannot walk the path I choose to follow without Him. I’ve shed an honest man’s tears over this.

War is coming to my life. To my town. To my home. The battle will be on the same side of my door that my bed is on. Just as a child at the beach runs to edge of the oceans’ waves so my enemies will run to my heart. Safety is of no concern to me now. God will provide and I will continue to fight because I know that, though He isn’t safe, He is good.