The desires of your heart.

Delight yourself in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday. – Psalm 37:4-6

Unbelief is a pestilence that I am tired of housing in my heart. I am finding more and more promises that I have spent years failing to believe and act on. Yet I can honestly say to you, friend, that this passage is a promise I am no longer abusing with neglect. Last night I met someone who told me he did not believe in anything really, but that he was beginning to search for the truth. I was able to look him in the eye and tell him about my Friend Jesus without any doubt. I didn’t stutter. I didn’t trip or double-back over my words. I meant it. I wrenched the lid off my heart and poured it out for him.

We each have God-given gifts. They bring beauty to our community. We are equipped to serve and uplift each other. My gift is a relentless heart. I’m still a person very much diseased with sin and shortcomings, but I am daily leaning on everlasting arms for balance and strength. I have begun the life-long task of surrendering my entire self to Christ. And with that surrender comes a deeper love and a stronger heart. I am a fighter who isn’t afraid to shed his own blood.
I see a Man stretching His arms across a rugged plank of wood and I lay my hands next to His. I am no longer a spectator of grace. I am a partaker. I am a doer. The desires of my heart have changed. My ways have shifted.

I will delight myself in You,
and You will give me the desires of my heart.
I commit my way to You;
I trust You and You act.
You bring forth my righteousness as the light,
and my justice as the noonday.

War

Psalm 42

My soul is cast down within me;

therefore I remember you

from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,

from Mount Mizar.

7Deep calls to deep

at the roar of your waterfalls;

all your breakers and your waves

have gone over me.

8By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,

and at night his song is with me,

a prayer to the God of my life.

9I say to God, my rock:

"Why have you forgotten me?

Why do I go mourning

because of the oppression of the enemy?"

10As with a deadly wound in my bones,

my adversaries taunt me,

while they say to me all the day long,

"Where is your God?"

Psalm 69

4 More in number than the hairs of my head

are those who hate me without cause;

mighty are those who would destroy me,

those who attack me with lies.

What I did not steal

must I now restore?

5O God, you know my folly;

the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you.

In the back of my mind there is a lingering knowledge that the further I push this the more these words will become my own. There is good reason behind why it is so hard to find someone who fights heart, soul, mind, and body for Christ. Because someone who does that will become a target. The world is filled with darkness and darkness wants to keep it that way. If I stand up and fight the good fight of faith, I’m going to stick out like a light in a dark room. Walking with God is no small thing. I don’t really think it’s safe. I believe it is good. I believe it is awesome! But I know it isn’t safe. Jesus tells us that “in this world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

It’s not safe in that hard times will come. We will suffer. We will lose things. We will lose heart. Our loved ones will stray and the only thing we may be able to do for them is pray. We will love others hard and they will hurt us. Life happens whether you have the power of Christ in your life or not, and when it does, safe is not the word that will always describe it. These are not easy things to accept but my comfort is this: “For He wounds, but He binds up; He shatters, but His hands heal.” (Job 5:18) That is enough for me now. God can do whatever He wants to me. He can put me through whatever He deems necessary. He can shatter me. Because I know He will bring healing. When my heart is broken, my Father will lift it and bind it up for me.

The writer in the above verses strikes me so hard when he writes, “What I did not steal must I now restore?” I think he’s talking about his hope. I think what was being stolen from him was the motivation and the heart to press on. I know what it means to lose heart. I am not always a man of my word. I falter. My strength is worthless by itself. Someone once told me that God was just my krutch. God isn’t my krutch. He’s my legs. I cannot walk the path I choose to follow without Him. I’ve shed an honest man’s tears over this.

War is coming to my life. To my town. To my home. The battle will be on the same side of my door that my bed is on. Just as a child at the beach runs to edge of the oceans’ waves so my enemies will run to my heart. Safety is of no concern to me now. God will provide and I will continue to fight because I know that, though He isn’t safe, He is good.

That is not the way you learned Christ!

Drowning is not the violent, splashing, call for help that most people expect. The captain was trained to recognize drowning by experts and years of experience. // Drowning is almost always a deceptively quiet event. The waving, splashing, and yelling that dramatic conditioning (television) prepares us to look for, is rarely seen in real life. – “Drowning Doesn’t Look Like Drowning” by Mario Vittone

As I read this blog, I couldn’t help but stop at these words. I don’t know if the writer knew the true depth of his own words. I have watched both friend and family begin to drown in their personal lives. I feel like I have an eye for that just as the captain was trained to recognize what a real drown victim looks like. Each of us experiences silent moments. They are the moments that define the entire make-up of our lives. Sometimes in these moments that we are alone, we get disoriented. Something catches up to us. We may not see it or admit it, but we begin the drowning process. It steals away our confidence, costing us our heart. (I've seen a person completely lose themselves and never even realize it. We say life "changes us", but the loss of identity and the development of one's identity are too very different things.)

I do not write this as much to drowning people as I do to the people who can help them – the people who are called to be watchful captains. We must keep our eyes open and watch over others. Just taking the time to walk awhile next to someone could change the way their day ends. We are made for fellowship. We need each other.

Galatians Chapter 6

9And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 10So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

Isaiah Chapter 58

10 if you pour yourself out for the hungry

and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,

then shall your light rise in the darkness

and your gloom be as the noonday.

11And the LORD will guide you continually

and satisfy your desire in scorched places

and make your bones strong;

and you shall be like a watered garden,

like a spring of water,

whose waters do not fail.

Ephesians Chapter 4

19They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. 20But that is not the way you learned Christ!

All of these passages sparkle like gold mines to me. They are riddled with something precious and important. My eyes have not missed their gleaming veins of urgency. I don’t want to be the root end of my own cause. I don’t want to sell out to my own human desires. I refuse to be satisfied by a life that is not extravagantly wasted on people. That is not the way I learned Christ.

The flipside of this coin is that if we claim Christ but refuse His calling, we become the drowning person.

Rocks and waves.

James Chapter 1

1Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

“Count it all joy” is the classic part of this passage. Almost anyone that has grown up in church knows that those are the opening words in the book of James. Recently, God has really brought me to the next piece of this passage. That is not to say that I have obtained a perfect righteous response when life hits me hard. I’ll be the first to admit that the name of Jesus is not always the first word that comes to my lips when tough times hit, but I have definitely started to get the hang of keeping God’s purposes for me in the equation.

All that said, let’s talk about steadfastness. All of our struggling is meant for our benefit. God lets us hit our breaking point so that we can further it. If we will just put our trust in God, He will raise the bar higher. How much fight is in you? He can increase it. King. Shepherd. Trainer of War. “Blessed be the Lord my Rock, Who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle;” – Psalm 144:1

What this scripture warns me of is the danger of mistrusting God. First it promises that if I would let steadfastness take its full effect in me, my needs will be met. I will lack nothing. Then it warns me that if I replace my faith with doubt, I will be unstable in all my ways. I will be a double-minded man, so busy with fighting myself that I’m of no use to the fellowship I take part in. I want to be the rock…not the wave.

Inappropriate kindness.

Galatians Chapter 5

13For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

The words that come to mind are these: Inappropriate kindness. Doesn’t that just sound awesome? That’s what Jesus has called us to show everyone. Inappropriate kindness: A tender reaction that doesn’t fit the bill. Oh, that I could adopt that as my own. I want my heart of stone to be melted in the hands of God, and molded to be His tool. I want to love people beyond what they feel is appropriate or necessary. God’s love for us is ridiculous. Scandalous. It’s inappropriate and I love that about it.

If we would jump the hurdles that seem to span the distance between ourselves and others, I think we’d find every leap worth it. Let’s do this. Let’s love people way past the point they deserve. Radical love is uncalled for. But we are the exception. We are the freed ones, and we are called to it. You want change in your life? Get raw and transparent with people. If you look into someone’s life and you can tell their trapped, bust the door down. We’re on the winning team, so why are so many of our members playing such a lousy game?

Dear Heart,

I just saw a photograph of a hand holding a note that said, "Dear Heart, Fall in love when you're ready NOT when you're lonely." I think stepping into a love relationship with God is the same way. I don't want to be needed by my lover. I want her to want me. To want something takes a far greater sacrifice than to need something. If someone needs you, they may only be keeping you around to have their need met. If someone wants you, they are loyal to you not out of necessity but by choice. If my faith is not founded on a love for God, but rather on my need for Him alone, then it will not truly flourish. Abiding in His presence might begin to feel more like a prison than a paradise.

I don't want to fall in love with God because I know that I'm lonely, broken, and lost without Him...[which I am!] I want to pursue Him out of a real desire to know His voice. I want to grieve when I sin because I realize that I've hurt His heart. I want to speak into the lives of others because I know the heart of their Creator.

And he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself." - Luke 10:27

More dynamite, sir.

2 Corinthians Chapter 10

3For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 5We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, 6 being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.

Faith in an unshakable God is a powerful ally in war. Oftentimes we lose ourselves in day-to-day life. We walk out the door without our faith. Trudge through our days without prayer. I wonder how many strongholds we pass by each day. If we could see all the struggles going on around us, would it change us? I believe so.

Darkness runs rampant in our world. Yet all it really takes to terminate darkness is the presence of light. Changing the planet is a matter of flipping light switches. A matter of power sources. We have Christ. He’s all we need. If only we would just put our knees to the ground and our hands on the people, and speak light into the lives of those surrounding us. If we are standing in the footprints of Him Who set us free, then nothing can stand against us. We have the power and the authority of Christ to free the oppressed and destroy the strongholds of darkness. Let us do it with vigor!

And boom goes the dynamite.

My Refuge and My Fortress

1He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

2I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust."

3For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler

and from the deadly pestilence.

4He will cover you with his pinions,

and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

5 You will not fear the terror of the night,

nor the arrow that flies by day,

6nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,

nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

7A thousand may fall at your side,

ten thousand at your right hand,

but it will not come near you.

8You will only look with your eyes

and see the recompense of the wicked.

9Because you have made the LORD your dwelling place—

the Most High, who is my refuge—

10 no evil shall be allowed to befall you,

no plague come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you

to guard you in all your ways.

12On their hands they will bear you up,

lest you strike your foot against a stone.

13You will tread on the lion and the adder;

the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.

14"Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;

I will protect him, because he knows my name.

15When he calls to me, I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will rescue him and honor him.

16With long life I will satisfy him

and show him my salvation."

I wonder how many of us can read this and say that we understand it. Not from the perspective of "Oh yeah, my God can do that.", but from the perspective of "My Father does this for me over and over again. I know His arms. I feel His presence." I think we only see as much as we seek. If we don't search the depths, we'll never know how deep they go.

Scripture is God-breathed. We rationalize it into allegory. I think that is a horrible, horrible thing to do. I believe everything God promises happens...every day. Word for word. Just like He says it does. Light against darkness. Angels versus demons.

I am humbled often. I am human and I struggle because of it, but my faith is in a Father Who isn't human. He doesn't struggle with His identity (or with mine). He doesn't lose Himself in His own life. He doesn't wander or stray from His calling. And my faith rests in Him, not in myself.

Resisting lies romps roaring lions.

1 Peter Chapter 5

8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 10And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

Sober-minded is a word that echoes in my soul. Something about it just grabs my attention every time I stumble across it in Scripture. Sobriety is a calling. A word of invitation. To be of sober mind is to resist the intoxication of lies, and the only way to do that is to drench yourself in truth.

We, as disciples, are being called to dive into a flood of freedom and truth. Why? Because something is out there. Someone is out there. And he is absolutely raging with a hunger to desolate us. He wants to single us out so that he can tear us down.

But we have the blood and the grace and the name of Jesus. We are called not to run from him, but to resist him. The power that we carry in our hope and our faith is strong enough to overthrow the hardiest of lies. Even greater than the knowledge of that power is the knowledge that we are not alone. We have a brotherhood that shares in our hope…and in our suffering.

Resist the lion. Endure the darkness with the light in your heart. Fight the good fight. And the God of all grace will restore you. Confirm you. Strengthen you. Establish you. That’s my favorite part. Establish. When God establishes things, nothing tears them down unless He signals the wrecking ball.

Beliefs

I find it funny that we place such high expectations on ourselves. Take our beliefs for example. Oftentimes we take our beliefs very seriously. We'll waste our life away debating with others. Fights will break out over disagreements. War may even come of it. Yes, there are some core things that are worth fighting for. There are things we must act upon instead of idly sitting around. The starving need a helping hand. The oppressed need rescuing...the innocent, a protector.

Yet I think we are too hard on ourselves and each other. When it comes to following Christ, we may mentor and lead others at times, but we will always be disciples - students and followers of Jesus. We cannot expect to get this life thing down perfectly on the first try.

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. - Philippians 2:12-13

Our salvation is something we have to work out. We're going to spend our entire lives seeking out the mysteries of Christ and searching the depths of God's heart. You've got a lifetime of discovery ahead of you. Don't expect to have it all figured out after a couple of years. If you take yourself too seriously, prepare to be offended. Be a child of faith. Enjoy life and learn every day.

There are core truths and foundational doctrines that you cannot deny without stripping God of His identity. Hold tight to those things always. Stay in the Word and grow.

What it means to be a tree.

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. – PSALM 1:1-3

What comes to mind first when I hear the word “tree” is shade. Cool, refreshing shade. Relief from the sun. Protection. This makes me desire more depth in Christ. I want to be a tree to my loved ones and all others that I cross paths with. I want to refresh people when they are with me. I long to be so deeply rooted in my faith that people feel shielded and safe when they are in my presence.

Trees are steadfast and resilient…even to the point that they hold the ground beneath them in place. My desire is to root myself in truth; to stand on the words of Christ, and hold them beneath me when the storms of this life try to strip me of their power.